No title. Really, I just can't think of one.

My last few posts have been grumpy. I know. And I am, and... I'm not. I don't know how I am right now. I'm feeling a lot of things.

I'm frustrated at the world, I'm frustrated at myself. I'm also scared. I don't really know why.

There is a lot going on right now what with trying to get better, moving, trying to get care (it's still a fight to receive treatment for something the local health authority tryes to ignore) and, well, a bunch of other things. There is a lot of change; and lately, I've not been able to adapt. I like change, I use to seek it out. Heck, I even moved to a whole other country once. But these days, even something put away in the wrong drawer in the kitchen is beyond my ability to adapt. I seem to rely on my kinetic knowledge (sort of like knitting - one teaches one's hands how to knit, the mind is just there as a guide on what to knit when) rather than any mental skills. I memorize where the furnisher in my room is so that I don't have to turn on the lights and use my eyes. If something is put where it shouldn't be anywhere in the house, it usually leads to me hurting myself. Not to mention, I still sleep walk. I've even written essays in my sleep. I once made banana bread in my sleep. It's all very odd. I don't think I've ever managed to leave the building while asleep; but if you do find me walking down the street in my PJs, please gently guide me home.

Oh yes, I got an A+ on that essay by the way, all the other sleep-essays were A or A-. I wish I could write all my papers that way.

I feel scattered today. My friends and family are doing everything they can to ensure this transition is as easy as possible on me. Of course, the fact that my health puts this much stress on them is stressful for me. But, there's no way out, is there? This has to be done in order for me to get better. My specialist tells me that I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for their help. But, it's difficult to be so dependent on others when I am use to doing things for myself.

I've decided that I'm going to set a goal for myself. I want to have this infection under control and be off antibiotics by my thirtieth birthday. It's not saying I'll be fully better by then. I'm told I'll never be like I was before, but with a great deal of vigilance, I can lead a somewhat normal life. Now, I know I'll most likely forget this aim by the time the week is out, but it's a nice goal. I wonder if it's possible.

Joints say we are in for a bit of bad weather this week. I hope they are wrong. I wish this post wasn't so rambling.