April trip to Seattle

The basic theme of this month's visit to my specialist is that I need to do better.

The stress of moving and living with new people coupled with exposure to chemicals in the house (even at low levels) has put too much pressure on my immune system and prevented it from fighting the bacteria. Also, it made it so I couldn't handle the supplements that I need to take. Somehow, everything piled together gives me a cough when I am exposed to a wrong substance for too long. It's not really a cough, it's more like my lungs and throat feel too small to get the air in and out so I try to clear my throat but it dosen't help. I'm not certain what that's about, but if I can avoid exposure, it dosen't happen.

Basically, in order to deal with all these new changes, I've been letting things slide and I need to not let things slide. My specialist assures me in a very firm tone that if I don't gain weight soon, a lot of weight, then a slight breeze will kill me. By slight breeze I mean to say a slight cold or any additional strain on my immune system. My specialist was extreemly adamant on this point: do better or I die. I don't want to believe it's true.

Then we come back to the main problem: Exposure to wrong substances (like petrochemicals and the smells of old food, &c.) effect my autonomic nervous system which creates nausea, loss of appetite and other symptoms that lead to me losing weight.

So there we have it. If I don't want to die this year, and I'm pretty certain I don't, then I need to do a lot better. Not only that, the people in my household also need to do a lot better too. My dad understands because he's seen me when I'm healthy and knows that I'm not a hypochondriac. He also knows how serious this all is. But I don't know how to communicate to others that live with me. I'm certain they all think I'm a nag when I ask them to do something like not read a newspaper right next to me or to leave the window in our very dank bathroom open when they leave so that mold (an extreemly dangerious substance for me according to all my doctors) dosen't grow due to the lack of fresh air and get into my system (I'm not certain how that happens, but I'm assured that it will). I say these things. I explain why it's necessary, and all I get is a grumpy face and an "I will" or ignored. It dosen't happen, so I say it again. Same thing. Do I give up? Do I let them do whatever they want because they have been doing things this way all their life and they've never had a problem so I shouldn't have a problem. Do I let them do whatever they want at the cost of my own life? That seems rather stupid from my point of view, but I am asking a lot from them. And, since they don't seem to listen, maybe it's not worth the familial strife. Yep, I'm getting really bitter about this. But I can't stand it when people say one thing and do another. I can't stand it when people don't listen. I also can't stand it when people expect me to know what they want from me when they don't tell me. I also can't stand the fact that my specialist is so adamant that my life depends on things getting better.

Right, end of rant.

Today, I'm going to use what energy I have left from my trip to clean my room and to get rid of all the little wrong substances that have creeped into it over the last month. Also, energy permitting, I'm going to toss out all the news papers laying around the common area in hopes that that will reduce the nausea. This trip has shown that I'm only nauseous at home. Away from home, I'm starving. So it must be something environmental. But what? I don't know.